Marvel Universe Crossover Crisis: The Penguin vs. Mori Tosaki

Hans Yokublik stood on the rooftop, looking out across the Gotham City skyline. He nervously rolled up his sleeve, shivering, and checked the time on his watch. It was 10:17.
"You're late." a voice said from behind him.
Hans turned around, startled. A dark figure walked out of the shadow, his cape flapping in the wind. It was the Penguin, Gotham City's greatest criminal mastermind.
"I specifically asked you to be here at 10:15!" he said, leering his short, fat body over Hans. "And you're late!"
"B-b-but Mr. Penguin, sir!" Hans stuttered. "I was here a few minutes ago. Surely you are the one who is late!"
"I have been skulking behind that pile of crates for ten minutes now!" the Penguin flapped his cape, and wondered towards the building's edge. "And I saw you arrive at 10:16!"
"L-l-listen, Mr. Penguin," Hans pointed at the Penguin 'menacingly'. "Let's just get the d-d-deal done!"
"Not if I can help it!" a booming voice called out from the distance.
The Penguin turned. "Rats!" he said, looking at the sky. There was a circle of light in the sky with a dark blob upon it. "It's the cursed Bat Signal!"
"Nu uh!" said the deep voice. "That's just the light radiating... off... my... something or other. Something fat, that's for sure."
"P-p-perhaps it's a light globe stuck in your folds of fat!" Hans put in.
"No, surely it's a taxi!" the Penguin scoffed.
"Shut up!" said the deep voice. "I'm going to get you with my fat powers, stupid Penguin!"
"Ha!"the criminal mastermind laughed. "Come and get me!"
The Penguin and Hans Yokublik stood on the rooftop for several hours, listening to the deep voice's heavy panting.
"By god!" Hans said (finally). "Look! It's Mori Tosaki!"
A gigantic blob of fat, oil and sking began worming itself towards the building the Penguin was standing on. Several gigantic towers were caught in its folds.
"I'm... I... I am... I'm go.... I am go... I'm goin... wait... I'm going... I am going... to... to... wait..." Mori paused for a few minutes to pant. "I'm going to... Going to... Going... I am going... Oh, Jesus... Can I... Can I maybe... get a... Gatorade? Or... some... or some... Coke? Is... anyone... nevermind..." Mori paused to pant for little longer. "Any... way... I'm... I... I am going... I'm going... to... I am... Now... Now I can't... I can't remem... remem... remember.... what I... was... going to... going to... going...to say."
The Penguin stared at Mori, blinking.
"DIE BITCH!" the strain of shouting caused Mori to fall over onto the building, and the Penguin became caught in his giant folds of fat. Gotham City was safe again.

Things That Are Fatter Than Mori

1. Alternate Fat Universe Mori.

A Word From The Insane

INSANITY! ALL AROUND! Sometimes up, and sometimes down! And sometimes RIGHT HERE!
INSANITY! Sick!
Wezbiz cockatoo! Wow! Bazonga!
YES! 50 STRENGTH! Alright! Way to go! Excellent! Yeah, cool sweet! Nice! Go Lewis! Way to go! Nice work! Coolo, great work! BAZONGA! BOP IT!

More Mori is Fat Facts

1. Mori is so fat, that if you er.... er.... nevermind.
2. Mori is so fat, he can slam a revolving door.
3. Mori is so fat, that he might die.
4. No, seriously, he might die!
5. Mori weighs five broken scales.
6. Mori is so fat, his muscle to weight ratio can only be explained in irrational complex numbers. Because he's fat.
7. Mori is so fat, that when he gets a cut, he bleeds milkshakes.
8. Mori is so fat, that when he rolls over in bed, he burns his ass on the lightbulb.
9. Mori is so fat, that he enjoys the company of men.
10. Mori is so fat, that if you saw a fat person, Mori would be fatter than them!

By Marco HJ and Tom M

Hey, Amigos!

Thanks for following the Mori Tosaki is Fat blog! Maybe it's time for some new material!
Did you know that Mori has started riding BMX bikes? He must be trying to lose weight. It isn't working. He's still fat. This morning, I fried an egg. Cos he's fat!

Mori Facts

#1: Mori tried to cut himself, but he couldn't get through the fat.

#2: When Mori asked for a waterbed, they offered him the ocean.

#3: I went for a 3k run this morning; twice around Mori.

#4: I once mistook Mori for your mum.

#5: Mori is fat.

#6: When Mori does the truffle shuffle, God kills a kitten.

#7: Behind Mori's beard, there's not a chin, there's just another fold of fat.

#8: Speaking of Mori's chins...

#9: Me: "Hey, Mori, you've got something on your chin." Mori: "*wipes chin*" Me: "No, your other chin!" Mori: "*wipes chin*" Me: "No, your other chin!" Mori: "*wipes chin*" Me: "No, your other chin!" Mori: "*wipes chin*" Me: "No, your other chin!" Mori: "*wipes chin*" Me: "No, your other chin!" Mori: "*wipes chin*" Me: "No, your other chin!" Mori: "*wipes chin*" Me: "No, your other chin!" Mori: "*wipes chin*" Me: "There! Now you have it!"

#10: Did we mention Mori is fat?

Let's Write a Song

Mooooooooooriiiiiiii

is fat

Mooooooooooriiiiiiii

has boobs

Man boobs

Boobs

Yeah yeah yeah!

Man boobs

Yeah yeah yeah!

Man boobs!

Yeah yeah yeah!

Mori has

Boobs

Mooooooriiiiiiiiii

has mooooooooobs

Cos he's fat

And stuff